Feeling Bad & Overwhelmed? It’s Time To Face It
Have you ever felt this growing, swirling, terrible feeling in your stomach? Have you felt tension grip you by the throat? Have you ever felt terrible for days on end only to realize it is because of some rude comment someone made to you weeks ago? If so, you are not alone. If you’ve never been introduced before, then say hello to your feelings.
The Physical Impact of Emotions
Our emotions have a physical effect on our bodies. We call this the affect state. Affect states of emotions can be a racing heart, flushing, pit in your stomach, or frog in your throat sensation that occurs when we feel something. Our emotions are not just purely psychological phenomena. It is physiological too.
The Only Way Out is Through
So how can you get rid of these sensations and come back to feeling good? Unfortunately, there is only one way we can go. We can’t go around it, under it, or over it. We have to go through it. And that means coming face to face with what you don’t want to acknowledge; your feelings.
Whenever we have strong, uncomfortable feelings, we tend to want to hide from them. It’s uncomfortable to face our feelings. To recognize it seems to increase their intensity - at least at first. It takes work to sort through the overwhelm, identify when and why you feel this way, and then do something about it. It is so much easier to scroll endlessly on our phone so that no thought or feeling can occur.
And this works…at least for a little bit. Until you go to bed. Until you have a quiet moment. Until you are relaxing and letting go of control. Then, like a stalking tiger, your emotions strike. Now, you have a backlog of emotions to get through. That argument that happened last week? The rude comment from a month ago? The adverse experience from years ago? Those feelings didn’t go away and they are demanding to be heard.
Your emotions are waiting to strike, just like a tiger.
The Good News
There is good news. They aren’t asking for too much. They want to be acknowledged and validated. They want to pass on some information and leave you. They want what we all want: to be heard and understood. And this is our work. To face them, accept them, validate them, decide what to do with the information given to us, and take action on it. Science recognizes that when we face our emotions, we experience less distress. Wait, what? That's right. When we feel our emotions, they become less distressing.
That may seem strange because it feels so intense to acknowledge what you are feeling. However, that rush of intensity peaks at the beginning of acknowledgment and quickly dissipates. You are feeling the most intense part of your emotions over and over again when you try to hide from them. You are not letting yourself get to the good part!
So how do we face our emotions? It’s pretty simple:
Stop: Pause what you are doing and turn inward. You might want to close your eyes.
Breathe: Take a slow inhale and a slow exhale. Let your breath travel to where you feel the physical sensations of your emotions.
Identify: Get curious about the affect state. What are the sensations you are feeling?
Connect Emotions: Recognize what emotion is connected to these sensations. This one may take practice. Ask yourself what does sadness feel like? Anxiety? Shame? Embarrassment? If you are struggling with this step, look at a feelings wheel and see if any of them resonate with you.
Explore Thoughts: Identify why you are feeling this way. What thoughts are you thinking? When did this feeling start? What memories come up?
Wait: Sit with these feelings until they change. And they will change. Emotions move pretty quickly when we let them.
Act: Now, decide what you will do with the information those emotions passed on. If that rude comment made you feel mad, then maybe you need to have a conversation with that person. Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Or maybe there is nothing to do and the emotion just wanted to share some information and go.
Celebrate: Take another deep breath and notice how much lighter you feel.
Congratulations! You faced your emotions and felt better. Yes, it really is that easy. The hard part is you have to do it every time you have an emotion. You have to break the habit of hiding and running away. You have to learn what information fear, anger, and guilt is trying to share with you.
Need Support?
If you need a space to practice facing your emotions, or learn what the multitude of our emotions are trying to tell you, then book a free 15 minute consultation. I can help you move through your backlog of emotions until you are free from stalking tigers.
