The Anxiety Self-Esteem Connection

As an anxiety counsellor, I work with clients struggling with a pervasive sense of unease and self-doubt. Anxiety can make you question yourself, your decisions, and your experiences. Many people with anxiety see this self-doubt as a way to keep themselves humble or to challenge their biases. While self-reflection can indeed be a valuable trait, what I often observe in my clients with anxiety is low self-esteem. Instead of trusting that their perception of an event is valid, they frequently question themselves, sometimes identifying as the problem. This pattern can erode self-esteem, leaving them feeling inadequate or “never good enough” at interpreting events accurately.  

The connection between anxiety and self-esteem is well-documented. The more anxiety you have, the lower your self-esteem is likely to be—and vice versa. To overcome anxiety, one of the most critical challenges is building self-esteem. Learning to trust ourselves and our perceptions is a vital part of this process. If we constantly believe we are in the wrong, it becomes impossible to trust ourselves or build confidence in our decision-making abilities. Over time, this self-doubt reinforces feelings of inadequacy and self-dislike.  

To overcome anxiety, we must focus on building self-esteem. This involves fine-tuning or reducing the intensity of self-doubt, bringing it into balance with healthy self-reflection. Additionally, we need to validate our emotions and experiences, even if they don’t fully align with reality. Finally, identifying and celebrating our strengths helps us develop trust in ourselves and recognise when to rely on expert advice.  

Fine-Tuning Self-Reflection  

To refine our self-reflection, we need to focus on gathering evidence. This means identifying what is factual versus what stems from our thoughts and feelings. This process can be challenging because it’s difficult to separate ourselves from our subjective experiences. This is where anxiety counselling can make a significant difference.  

Validating Emotions  

Validating our emotions and experiences, even when they don’t align with reality, is crucial. Emotions are data, providing valuable information about our world. Ignoring or suppressing these feelings prevents that information from being processed.

A helpful exercise is to imagine a friend sharing the same emotions you’re feeling. Would you tell them their experience is invalid, or would you acknowledge their feelings and empathise? Likely, you’d choose the latter. Start treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you’d offer a friend.  

Identifying Strengths  

Another step is identifying your strengths—those areas where you know you excel or have unique expertise. Take time to write down skills or persistent personality traits you possess. For example, you might discover that you’re particularly loyal and responsible. When facing challenges related to these traits, you can trust your ability to make decisions grounded in loyalty and responsibility. When you are faced with challenges you are not strong in, this is when to consult with outside counsel.

The Ongoing Process  

Overcoming anxiety is easier said than done. It requires continually identifying, challenging, and reframing anxious thoughts, returning to logical thinking throughout the day. This effort can feel overwhelming to manage alone, as it’s difficult to evaluate your own thoughts objectively.  

If you’re ready to build self-esteem and take steps to overcome anxiety, consider booking a free 15-minute session with me today.