Stop Treating Yourself Worse Than You Treat Strangers
We often treat ourselves worse than we treat strangers. When we interact with a stranger, we are polite and kind. We might give them a smile. We might offer our seats on the bus. If they are disruptive, we may ignore them and move on quickly. We don't (or rarely) belittle them, voice our judgements, or try to hurt them. Yet, we feel so comfortable doing so to ourselves.
When we treat ourselves with hatred and judgment, anxiety and depression can arise. And if you’re a part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community, then internalized homophobia and transphobia can eat away at your self-esteem.
How we mistreat ourselves
There are a number of ways that we treat ourselves worse than we treat others. We;
Go without eating for the day.
Stay up too late.
Pressure ourselves to perform and meet expectations that are unrealistic and unattainable.
Force ourselves to work instead of allowing ourselves to take a break.
Ignore the basic needs of our bodies
Live under a pressure that few people can succeed in.
And then, we are shocked when we don’t succeed. When our bodies break down. When we seek comfort in ways that hurt us. When we fail to break patterns holding us back.
Why We Must Learn to Love Ourselves
The human psyche is one often full of contradictions and ironies. And one of the biggest ironies is that when I accept myself as I am, then I have the ability to change. Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centered psychotherapy, said it best,
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
All changes come from a foundation of liking and appreciating ourselves. It is actually the undue pressure you are placing on yourself that is preventing you from achieving what you want to achieve. Anger, frustration, judgment and perfectionism limits our ability to see opportunities, wears down our willpower, and keeps us trapped in habitual patterns. To love ourselves, in a world that may diminish our identities, is an act of resistance and revolution.
How to Be Nicer To Yourself
The first step to accepting yourself is to treat yourself like you would treat someone you love. You can do this by;
Make sure that you are taking care of your needs, including the body basics.
Take breaks and reward yourself.
Pay yourself compliments and recognize your successes.
Identify areas of improvement with honesty, compassion, and understanding.
You can learn more about techniques to care for yourself in this Peloton article I contributed to.
Next Steps
Learning why there is nothing wrong with you takes a lot of work. And it is easier said than done. We help foster positive change in people and communities, through therapy & counselling. If you’re looking for counselling in the Comox Valley to learn how to accept, and maybe even love, yourself, then book a free 15 minute consultation with us.
